What makes me vulnerable? In the face of adversity and rejection and when things dont go my way!
Although i know a little bit of imperfection can do no harm and cannot be washed off, i'm desperately seeking the ideal. Knowing and accepting the fact that people may claim to know me but only i know who me is. what makes me ashamed of my words or my true spirit, is it because i'm trying too hard to please? Maybe more than necessary. Is it the fear of losing? Of losing whats not there? Of losing what little is left? Questioning the righteous and fearing god whilst not completely believing in them. Is it cuz i see myself in both black and white, right and wrong? Being myself and not liking the outcome, not being myself and still not liking the outcome, a self annointed tag of a loner, is this what makes me, the real me, as i was intended to be?
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
My generation
For the past coupla days, I'd been feeling a little low, "aimless" - thats the word i chose to describe it. In this very grave narrative going on in my head, in the voice of anthony bourdain ( dont know why), everywhere turned up a lost cause.Now i know its the exaggerated self. Life is really not bad at all.
Life! how often we use that word, failing to consider for a trifle second, what it really means. 'Life sucks', 'life s a bitch', 'what a life' and the most often heard, 'i hate my life'. Even i hadn't realised it until a few hours ago. Well here goes. A guy in my college, although i barely remember his face, he's the reason for the events leading upto my thoughts. He chose to kill himself over a series of bad performances academically. I heard about it from friends and was indifferent like most of the times that i've heard such things since i was in school. What was different this time, was that a favorite lecturer of mine made a fine choice of talking bout this for a few minutes. And it was not the usual " its cowardly to commit suicide and escape reality, one should build the strength and the courage to face anything that comes your way". Simply put, 'don't kill yourself, this is nothing'! And there's every bit of truth to it. But it hadnt ever provoked any thoughts in my head.
"You know what is wrong with the young, new generation? You've been brought up in a.." A voice in the back goes, 'imposed environment'! " Yes, thats true. Its also very protective and children ( i think he meant anyone below 22-23) today are so fragile."
Amidst so many restrictions that we think are bombarded on us, knowing fully well its only for safety reasons, we have the freedom to do anything we want, numerous opportunities and plenty of support for our well meaning endeavours. But we, along with the liberty and the opportunities are encompassed within this invisible web that my friend called the 'imposed environment'. It sounds very debateable and sure, you'll say anything can be done! The youth has the power to change anything! Thats what I want to hear. We can and we will do everything in our power to break the mould, not for the heck of it, but because it matters! It makes a difference!
Thus spoke a detractor," whats the point sir, what if your life has no meaning?" I moved in my seat. And the reply pulled at a string somewhere, I'm not sure if its as thought provoking to anyone reading this now, or to those around me who heard it. He simply said "then, find a meaning for your life". I could feel my face brighten up. One of the many things that have touched me and that i will recall for a long long time. It really is that simple. Find something that makes me feel, this is the reason I'm here. And until i find that, the quest to find it, will be my aim.It may take forever to find it, but I'm not afraid and I'm quite pleased with the way things are going and will continue to do what makes me happy without having to question my conscience.
The discussion moved from there to remembering the Mahatma, and how even he made some poor choices. Like a very dear friend said, everybody has their not-so-easy moments, even those who we think have everything going for them.And about the society, where children are growing up so fast! I'm not that old, and even i feel the change. Things borrowed or brought from other nations, need not always be good. But there's no denying that its essential to interact and share. What we can do, is make sure we're better equiped to handle and maybe even induce change. I'd just like to borrow a popular political party's campaign slogan for a while (mind you, I'm in no way advertising for them) India Shining! I just wanna say, awaken your conscience! Listen to it when it stops you from doing something wrong, for yourself, the society and the country. Listen to it when it tells you its time you did something for yourself, the society and the country. The blame game we play with our government, politicians, beauracrats, traffic, vendors, neighbours..you know where I'm goin with this.. Wake up from your beauty sleep!
India shining! lead india! Go India go! Chak de India! And whatever else that makes sense to you!
Life! how often we use that word, failing to consider for a trifle second, what it really means. 'Life sucks', 'life s a bitch', 'what a life' and the most often heard, 'i hate my life'. Even i hadn't realised it until a few hours ago. Well here goes. A guy in my college, although i barely remember his face, he's the reason for the events leading upto my thoughts. He chose to kill himself over a series of bad performances academically. I heard about it from friends and was indifferent like most of the times that i've heard such things since i was in school. What was different this time, was that a favorite lecturer of mine made a fine choice of talking bout this for a few minutes. And it was not the usual " its cowardly to commit suicide and escape reality, one should build the strength and the courage to face anything that comes your way". Simply put, 'don't kill yourself, this is nothing'! And there's every bit of truth to it. But it hadnt ever provoked any thoughts in my head.
"You know what is wrong with the young, new generation? You've been brought up in a.." A voice in the back goes, 'imposed environment'! " Yes, thats true. Its also very protective and children ( i think he meant anyone below 22-23) today are so fragile."
Amidst so many restrictions that we think are bombarded on us, knowing fully well its only for safety reasons, we have the freedom to do anything we want, numerous opportunities and plenty of support for our well meaning endeavours. But we, along with the liberty and the opportunities are encompassed within this invisible web that my friend called the 'imposed environment'. It sounds very debateable and sure, you'll say anything can be done! The youth has the power to change anything! Thats what I want to hear. We can and we will do everything in our power to break the mould, not for the heck of it, but because it matters! It makes a difference!
Thus spoke a detractor," whats the point sir, what if your life has no meaning?" I moved in my seat. And the reply pulled at a string somewhere, I'm not sure if its as thought provoking to anyone reading this now, or to those around me who heard it. He simply said "then, find a meaning for your life". I could feel my face brighten up. One of the many things that have touched me and that i will recall for a long long time. It really is that simple. Find something that makes me feel, this is the reason I'm here. And until i find that, the quest to find it, will be my aim.It may take forever to find it, but I'm not afraid and I'm quite pleased with the way things are going and will continue to do what makes me happy without having to question my conscience.
The discussion moved from there to remembering the Mahatma, and how even he made some poor choices. Like a very dear friend said, everybody has their not-so-easy moments, even those who we think have everything going for them.And about the society, where children are growing up so fast! I'm not that old, and even i feel the change. Things borrowed or brought from other nations, need not always be good. But there's no denying that its essential to interact and share. What we can do, is make sure we're better equiped to handle and maybe even induce change. I'd just like to borrow a popular political party's campaign slogan for a while (mind you, I'm in no way advertising for them) India Shining! I just wanna say, awaken your conscience! Listen to it when it stops you from doing something wrong, for yourself, the society and the country. Listen to it when it tells you its time you did something for yourself, the society and the country. The blame game we play with our government, politicians, beauracrats, traffic, vendors, neighbours..you know where I'm goin with this.. Wake up from your beauty sleep!
India shining! lead india! Go India go! Chak de India! And whatever else that makes sense to you!
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