this happened last tuesday,bout 730 in the mornin..i was runnin late..got into a bus.this lady got in,early twenties perhaps and sat in front of me..i noticed her diamond earrings,not that big but very classy.then i saw her face..i felt somethin i'd never felt before..didnt think it would ever happen,cuz i love the person i am..this is what i felt..i wanted to be her...giving up everything i have,i have dreamt of and want to be! i just wanted to be her!tranquil..
she seemed to have a few thoughts in her head.perhaps of what she'd eat that day or how her day at work would be.no inner conflicts im sure.happy or not,i knew she was contented..i could just tell..even though i hadnt felt that in a really long time.seemed like an eternity since i did...
tried to remember last night.i was drawing a blank..i was just really really hurt,like so many times in the past two years.cant figure out why this downward spiral began.i havent let go of this,like everything else so far..i'm finally learning to..still,the downward spiral continues..
i dont feel strong,even remotely.but i dont feel weak either.i'm just numb..i'm afraid to hold on now.i just wanna feel secure again,because of me,of who i am, of what i know and what i'm capable of..i cant seem to hold on to that thought either..
so many people around me,going on about their lives..feel like its just me,stuck and unable to move..the same thing over and over again.cant find answers.i dont know if i've got the questions right!why havent i learnt? or have i, this once!? then why is it so hard to start somehing new? nothing old is left anymore, for me to finish. i'm not done yet.i know i have a long way to go.. but i'm afraid i'll fail. more than that, i'm afraid i'll triumph like no other,and still be all alone!just ME!
